Between The Lines
by caffeineaddict13
Summary: What happens when Rory comes across a book that belongs to someone she used to know? Soontobe lit, more inside. ON HIATUS.
1. familiar words in unfamiliar places

**A/N:** Okay, here's the 411. I basically started this because I had this little gnawing thought in my head and it wouldn't go away. I know it sounds cliché, but I literally dreamt this up. As usual, I have absolutely no idea where it's going and how I'm going to get there. I'll add to it when the ideas come into my head; no sooner, no later.

Also, this chapter is in Rory's POV, but I love Jess as a character and would really love to get inside his head, so I'll probably be alternating POV's for most of it. R&R, kay?

**Dislaimer:** Words: Mine. Account: Mine. Thoughts: Mine. Characters: Not mine. Please don't sue me.

A smile was forming on the edge of her lips; the one she couldn't control. It didn't happen when she laughed at a joke or listened to her mom's odd, sarcastic, slightly sick sense of humor. It only happened when she was here; her nose buried in Shakespeare or hearing Charlotte Bronte's words repeated in her head. When she left this world, the one with war and hate and money and work, and went to one where everything around her was exactly as it seemed—only better.

When she was here, it didn't matter what skirt she was wearing or whether she had that piece into the printer on time. She was away from it all, and she loved it.

For the past two weeks, Halley's Books had become a sort of second home to her; the first being, of course, the small coffee shop that she visited at least three times a day, usually more, and her apartment coming in third, not being able to live up to it's rivals. The first thing she had done when she had moved to Boston was find the best coffee, and it just so happened that next door she had stumbled in to find herself surrounded by the most amazing collection she had ever seen.

She spent as much time as she could there, buried in one of the niches that so conveniently appeared between the book shelves, where spiders didn't dare to crawl and only remained for a day or two, managing to disappear as quickly as the magic tricks she used to like to watch.

The bookstore itself was, in a word, old. That was what she first noticed about it. All the books were dog-eared and yellow, with frayed edges and passages underlined where the previous reader had found something they liked. But the books weren't damaged, really—it was more like they were, well, loved. They had a life before they came to rest on the shelves, and they would have a life after, too. And as much as Rory enjoyed the crisp, white pages of a best-seller from Barnes & Noble, she liked the nonchalant, character-ridden shelves of the small store a lot more.

So, that was how she found herself, on a Sunday afternoon, procrastinating from the work that would catch up with her later, searching through the organized chaos of literature and listening to someone calling her name.

"Rory, dear!" it called again. The voice was sweet like candy and jingled like wind chimes in the sun. She knew who it was.

"Coming!" she yelled back, flinging herself from where she had been comfortably resting. She made her way to the counter where the register sat. "What is it, Halley?" she said, directing her question at the woman in front of her.

Halley, who, as you might have guessed, owned the bookstore, had long white hair and kind brown eyes that could figure out what books you liked just by taking a look at you. It was only natural that she had befriended Rory.

"Well, I got this book for you, honey," she said, handing Rory a paperback that looked like it had been around since World War I.

"Thanks so much," said Rory, looking at the book with adoration.

"No problem, dear," Halley cooed. "I hope you like it."

Rory smiled, holding the book like a baby. "I'm gonna read it right now," she said, walking back towards her spot.

"Have fun," said Halley, shaking her head in an ain't-she-something kind of way.

She shimmied herself into the little corner between fiction and authors starting with the letter M (although the signs had long since become irrelevant), and opened the book, eager to start.

A lump formed in her throat when she started reading though. Why was it that she couldn't go anywhere without being reminded of what she could've had?

Yes, the words between the lines of the margins were familiar. They were droll and cynical, sarcastic and thoughtful; they were what _she _would have written if she had a pen to write.

Her eyes sparkled with micheif, and she hopped up yet again in search of the owner.

"Halley!" she yelled. When no one answered, she yelled again. "Halley!"

A muffled noise came from the door behind the register, and by now she was borderline frantic.

"HALLEY!"

"What is it, dear?" said Halley, a confused look planted on her wrinkled face.

"Where did you find this?" she said, holding up the book.

"Oh," she said, relief washing over her face. "I thought something was wrong."

"Halley," said Rory, looking stern. "It's very important that you tell me where you found this."

"Well," said Halley. "This young man came in and donated a whole collection of his books," she said, smiling. "He was quite sweet, actually. I think you would like him."

Rory laughed. "Did you get his name?" she asked.

"It was…" the old woman began. "Oh, dear, I'm forgetting. It was something short—it was girl's name, too."

"Jess?" she offered, her eyes hopeful.

"Yes," said Halley. "Yes, that was it!" Then she squinted her eyes. "How did you know that?"

"Oh," said Rory. "I used to know him, I think."

"Used to?" she said, knowing there was more to the story. "How about that."

"Yeah," Rory nodded. "How about that."


	2. but you can't just stop an addiction

**A/N: **Short narration, this time. Just have fun. And review.

**Disclaimer: **No.

"Hey, Mariano!" someone yelled. Jess sighed, frustrated. "What is it, Cam?"

"God, Jess, why so antagonistic?" Cam said, mocking sadness.

"Jeez," he rolled his eyes. "This is the fourth time you've interrupted me in the last ten minutes. I'm not about to write you a song."

"Alright," Cam nodded. "Fair enough."

"You gonna tell me what it is this time?" Jess said impatiently.

"Calm down, Mariano." he said. "I was just about to." He paused. "So I'm passing the front desk and I hear Gary arguing with this chick, real loudly, you know? Nice-looking lady, too. Big blue eyes, sweet smile; girl-next door type, right?"

Jess clenched his fists. "Hurry it up, Cam."

"So I come over," Cam says, ignoring him. "All smooth, you know, and say 'Is there a problem, miss?' And she flashes me a smile and is like, 'Yes, there is, actually. I'm looking for Jess Mariano?' And so here I am, telling you that there's some hot girl waiting for you at the desk."

"You seriously could've said that in about two words." Jess says, getting up. "I'll go over there, okay?"

"Have fun," Cam said, wiggling his eyebrows.

"Oh, God," Jess mumbled, walking towards the desk.

He stopped when he heard her voice.

"Please?" she grinned at the guy manning the desk, putting on the infamous Gilmore Pout.

His mouth twisted into a sadistic smile when he realized how incredibly ironic the situation was. He had left Philadelphia two weeks after she had visited him; talked to him, kissed him, left him. He couldn't stand to live somewhere where her ghost still haunted. How sardonic it was that the place he had run had only brought him closer to what he was running from.

He heard her laugh echo through his thoughts. It twinkled like stardust, and filled the air with an indescribable feel—pink and soft and fluffy; like cotton candy.

His brown eyes darkened bitterly. No. He couldn't let her break him again. He had to be strong. _Lie_, he thought indignantly. He was always strong; it was seeing her face that made him weak. But, no. It was his turn. His turn to rip, to shred, to bend, to smash like she did to his heart, until it was so distorted and mangled that he couldn't even recognize his own heartbeat. No. No. _No_. Just like before, but his turn.

Only as he walked closer to her, her face still turned away, brown hair shiny and long like it had been when they had first met, he realized something. She was like a drug, to him; an addiction. And as much as it hurt, as much as he _died_ when she broke him, he'd rather have _her_ break him than be loved by anyone else. _Like that poem, right? _he wondered. _It is better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all_. God. How incredibly sentimental. He was seriously glad that no one could hear his thoughts.

But his eyes were cold, like always, when he approached her, growing closer to the face that was constantly in his mind. He was always so good at hiding his emotions. She'd never know that he did it because he was too afraid to let go.

"'Scuse me, miss?" he said, his voice filled with professionalism. As if she was just another customer with a problem.

She turned around. His mind went, of course, directly to her eyes. God _wished_ he could duplicate something so beautiful.

When she saw him, those same eyes filled with something that he hadn't been expecting. Not hostility, or anger; not even want or love. It was…adoration, of some sort.

"Jess!" she yelled, her high-pitched squeal causing a couple people around her to scowl. She ran up to him and hugged him, practically jumping into his arms. He smirked. He couldn't help it. Once a Gilmore, always a Gilmore.

She backed up, a slight blush rising to her cheeks. He saw that she was still the virginal teenager that she had always been, just a little more mature. His gaze followed her thin frame, mesmerized with the womanly curves that were new, the pale, delicate skin, the skinny legs, her stance still somewhat gawky from her abnormally long arms. He loved the flaws of it all; of her. She was perfect in the way that she wasn't. She was beautiful.

He stopped his inspection of her when he noticed the stiffness of her body, the wideness of her eyes. She had noticed.

"I…uh," she stammered, her lip twitching the way it always did when she was nervous. He remembered. "I, um…I was at the bookstore." she said. He waited for her to continue. "And—Halley, do you know Halley? Probably. Jess Mariano without books? Impossible. You do still read don't you?" He smiled. She had hit her stride. "Of course you read! What am I thinking? I wouldn't be here if you didn't read. I mean," she said, backtracking. "I'm not just here 'cause you read, although that's part of it, but I mean, I missed you, and—" She bit her lip, hard. "I mean, I'm not here 'cause I missed you either. But I did. Miss you. But that's not the point. The point is—"

"Rory," he said, his eyes twinkling with laughter. "'Sokay. I know why you're here."

"You do?" she said, tilting her head quizzically.

"Sure," he said. "You want me."

Her lip twitched again, until she realized he was joking. "I do, huh?" she asked, smiling.

He shrugged. "It's okay. I know I'm hard to resist."

She laughed. He loved it. He wanted to make her laugh again. "Hey, Rory?" he said suddenly.

"Yeah?" she said, wiping the tears that had formed on the edges of her eyes from laughing.

"Do you wanna…" he trailed off. "Go to lunch, or something?"

She nodded. "Sure." He was almost surprised at how easily she answered. But only almost. "When?"

"Well, we could go now," he said casually. "I mean, I gotta break in a couple of minutes, so you could just wait around till then."

"'Kay," she said, sitting down.

"I'll be here," he said. Then, in his head, _I always will_.

"I know," she nodded. "I know you will."


	3. you don't need to regret to remember

**A/N: **Okay, I know these couple of chapters are kind of fluff. But I have some stuff I need to get out before I can add the good, juicy stuff to it. Just hang on. Also, this chapter is a bit longer than the others, but I wanted to fit it all in. Reviews?

**Disclaimer:** I'm honestly running out of ways to say, "No, I don't own anything."

Her eyes followed his slow, relaxed walk as he made his way back to the desk where he began to shuffle some papers, shaking his head as though distracted. She cocked her head to the side and studied him, trying to tell if time had changed him in any way.

His hair was still as dark, but it hung around his face in a lazy way, the same color as the stubble that contrasted with his pale, Italian skin. His eyes reminded her of coffee, just like they always had; dark and rich and exhilarating. And of course he had that whole outcast/rebel/no-one-understands-me James Dean bit going on, which was just as attractive now as it had been when she was sixteen.

But there _was_ something different about him, not in looks, but in his…presence. He had a kind of confidence that definitely hadn't been there when they were younger. Maybe if she hadn't been so worked up in her own shit when she had seen him last, she would've noticed it.

Her head was like a jigsaw puzzle, and she tried to retrace her steps in her mind to how she had gotten here, of all places, with him, of all people. But it didn't take her long to figure out that she wasn't really surprised at who she was with.

It seemed like he was the one that she came to, or vice versa, when something was screwed up. Even in the fairly short time they had spent together, he had cracked her like a code; figuring out her quirks and breaking them in, finding the perfect ways to tease her and knowing when something was wrong. The only other person who had ever gotten that close to understanding her was her mom, and she felt like she was drifting from her, too.

So it only made sense that when she was finally working her life out, finally on the right track, their paths crossed again. Because she had wanted for so long to be nothing more than who she used to be, and she had gotten so close. So close, but not quite. She missed it—herself, who she used to be. Who she was with him.

She sighed. Huh.

"Hey," Jess drawled, ducking his head to look at her. "You ready?"

She almost laughed at the question. She only wished she was. "Sure."

''Kay," he said. "C'mon." He reached out his hand in a surprisingly gentleman-like gesture. She raised her eyebrows. Maybe he had changed more than she thought.

"Where are we going?" she asked once he lifted her up and started walking purposefully down the hallway and out the door.

"It's a surprise."

"Jess," she scolded. "You know I can't stand surprises."

"Duh," he said mockingly. "That's why I'm doing it."

Okay, maybe he hadn't changed.

She giggled as they rounded the corner, and he stopped at a small shop front with a sign that said "Jane's" and a door that had an old, antique wooden knocker on it.

"We're here," he announced.

"Where's here?" she asked.

He stayed silent, opening the door and leading her inside. She gaped. "Oh, my God."

The room in front of her was medium-sized, with brown walls and a counter in front. The entire place had floor-to-ceiling shelves, all completely stocked with giant glass jars of coffee beans.

"I thought you'd like it," he smirked.

Her eyes were wide like a child's in a candy store, and she ran her hands over the jars like they were made of gold.

"Oh, my God," she said again. "Jess, this is…this is…amazing."

He put his hands in his pockets in a modest gesture. "It's just this place I found," he shrugged, following her. "It made me think of you."

"Wow," she breathed. "I can't even…"

"Yeah," he agreed. "It's pretty incredible."

"Insane is more like it," she said, regaining her power of speech. "God."

He laughed. "I'll sit over here and wait."

"Mmhm," she mumbled, still transfixed. "Jess, how'd you find this place?"

"Dunno," he said. "Just came across it one day. I swear," he said, shaking his head. "It's all your fault I've gotten to be such a caffeine junkie."

"Hey," she said, pretending to be mad. "You should be thanking me, not blaming me."

"Right," he said sarcastically.

"It's true," she nodded. "Coffee is the nectar of the Gods."

"That's in the Gilmore book of unwritten rules, right?" he asked. "Right underneath the 'you can never have too many Red Vines' one."

"Hmm," she said thoughtfully. "We really should write those down some day, shouldn't we?"

"Oh," said Jess. "But then _anyone_ could read them."

She slid into the seat across from the one he had taken. "That's right," she bantered. "And who knows what would happen if they fell into the wrong hands."

"Like Lex Luther."

"Or Darius Rucker."

He laughed. "Hootie and the Blowfish?"

"I've always harvested a special hatred for Soni."

"Who hasn't?" he said seriously.

She smiled, biting her bottom lip. This was why she was here, with him. She missed this. Everyone in Stars Hollow had always wondered why she hadn't cried much after he left at the end of senior year. Her mother thought it was because he hadn't treated her right. But that wasn't it. It was because she wasn't sorry. She didn't regret a second they spent together, not even the bad ones. No one knew that he could be sweet and nice and prefect to her. And sure, he had screwed up, but that wasn't what mattered. Sometimes just remembering—just knowing—that what they had was good when they had it was enough. And that's what love's about, isn't it? The _sometimes_.

She looked up at him, taking in his features. "Thanks."

"For what?" he asked curiously.

"Just," she shrugged. "Thanks."


	4. a fine line between love and hate

**A/N: **To all you Literati lovers.

**Disclaimer: **Gah.

She was laughing. That's mostly why he had told her. 'Cause her laugh just about made him go crazy.

"No way," she said again. She had been repeating it for the past five minutes. "No way."

"I'm not lying to you," he said. "Why in the hell would I lie about that?"

She just laughed harder. "A swan? Jess, seriously?"

"Yup." He smiled, happy just to see her happy. It had been a while since he'd seen her happy.

"No way," she grinned. And he thought that he had never seen a smile so beautiful.

"Would you stop saying that?" he laughed. "Jeez."

"Okay, okay," she said, still giggling. "But, Jess, you know you could've just told me then."

"I know," he said. "But I was different back then."

Her tone turned serious. "Hey, Jess?"

"Yeah?"

"Do you ever…" she took a breath. "Do you ever wish you could just do it over?"

He sighed. No way was he gonna let this happen again. He couldn't. "Rory…"

"No, Jess, I'm serious," she said, a little angrily.

"So am I!" he half-yelled. "I just—I don't—I don't wanna get into this, okay?" He leaned his head back. "Let's forget it."

"No!" she screamed. He tried to understand how quickly they could go from joking to arguing. Huh. "Aren't you even sorry?"

"Of course I am, Rory," he said loudly. "Do you think I haven't gone a day in my life that I haven't wished that I could make it up to you? I'm sorry, okay? Do you even know how much I hate myself for doing that to you?"

"God, Jess," she said, shaking her head. "You don't even know how much you hurt me."

"What about me!" he screamed.

A confused look passed across her face. "What?"

"I said," he took a breath. "What about me?"

She still looked like she had misheard him. "What _about_ you?"

"I mean," he said, "Do you know how much _you_ hurt _me,_ Rory?"

"I wasn't the one who left," she began, "I wasn't the one who didn't talk. I wasn't the one who—"

"I'm not finished!" he interrupted. "God, Rory. Aren't you wondering why I moved here in the first place? It was to get away from you!"

"But," she said, "I don't live in Philadelphia."

"No," he sighed. "But you visited me there. Remember? I kissed you, and you kissed me, than you told me you loved that jerk you were with and you left."

"I'm sorry," she said quietly.

"And that's not even it," he said. "You said no. And I know that you were lying. Don't even try to deny it." He paused. She didn't say anything. "I asked you for another chance. And sure, I may not have deserved it, but at least I was _trying,_ right? At least I was making an effort. I asked you, Rory, and you did everything but slap me in the face! You hurt me, Rory! You broke me! You fucking _killed_ me that night!"

He stopped, taking a deep breath. Everything that he had been thinking for years was coming out. He knew he might regret it later, but it felt so good to let it go.

"And the worst part is," he continued, "I don't even hate you. God, I wish I did. I wish I wanted to hurt you for it. But I don't. 'Cause I could never hate you. You broke me, Rory, and I loved you. I loved you, okay? I love you." He stopped. "I. Love. You."

She started to get up, tears coming from the corners of her eyes.

"Where are you going?" he shouted at her.

"I'm leaving!" she yelled. "You don't want me here! I hurt you, remember?" Her eyes were shining and sad. "So I'm leaving."

"Don't leave," he said, his voice edging on desperate.

"Why not?" she asked, turning around.

He walked towards her, looking in her eyes for something. Anything. And even though his mind was screaming at him to stop—to leave—to _let her go_, he realized that he wasn't ready. To let go.

So he closed the space between them, until their noses were touching and he could feel her breath, soft and familiar, against him.

"What's one more break?" he said.

And he kissed her. Long and sweet and desperately. She dropped her purse, running her fingers through his hair. He had forgotten how it felt to be touched by someone who knows you. All of you. He took her by the waist and kept holding on, because it was just so damn good to finally have something to hold on to.

And when air became necessary, he stopped kissing her, but kept holding on. He pressed her forehead against hers, out of breath and spinning, spinning, spinning.

"Jess?" she asked. "When you said—before—when you said all that—was it…" she looked up at him. "Was it loved or love?"

"Both," he said, and kissed her again. Spinning.


	5. somewhere in the back of my mind

**A/N:** I wanted to take this moment to say thanks to everyone who reads my stories. It means a lot to me, and—although it sounds way, way, _way_ too Oprah—you really help inspire me. Anyway, I hope this chapter isn't too OOC. Enjoy.

**Disclaimer:** Kay, I think you get it at this point.

She was dizzy and she was flying and she was drowning and she didn't want to get saved. She leaned back, resting her hands on the back of his neck. He cupped her face in his hands.

"Perfect," he said quietly, placing a gentle kiss on her nose.

"Jess," she said, as he kissed all across her jaw line, "I—" she stammered. "I—can't—believe—this—is—happening."

"Really?" he whispered, his voice sending a chill down her spine. "I can."

She smiled, her heart felt full and her body felt like fire. She wanted this. She wanted _him_.

"Jess," she said again.

He nipped at her ear. "Shh."

"Jess," she mumbled, breathless from adrenaline and kisses. "Is your apartment close?"

He leaned back, turning to face her. "Why, Miss Gilmore," he said, and she could tell from his tone that he was about to say something incredibly inappropriate. "Are you implying that you want to—"

She cut him off with a kiss, a trick that she had learned from watching her mother. Apparently, it worked, because he quickly forgot—or pretended to forget—what he had been saying.

"Is it?" she said between kisses.

He smiled, picking her up and cradling her in his arms like a prize.

"Jess!" she hissed, burying her face in his neck. "We're in the middle of a store!"

"So?" he shrugged, placing a chaste kiss on her temple. "I want you."

She bit her lip. "Let's go."

He carried her out onto the street, and walked a couple blocks to a small building with a bright blue door. "This is it," he said.

"Really?" she asked.

"Yeah," he drawled, "Why so skeptic?"

"I don't know," she said, wrinkling her brow. "I just…never pictured you living in a place with a blue door."

"Huh," he said.

She laughed, kissing his neck as he led her up the stairs. When they got to the top, he opened the door.

"That's more like it," she said, staring at the room. It was plainly decorated, with a comfortable-looking couch and scattered papers lying all over. There were at least three bookcases, all filled, and piles of CD's and clothes randomly placed across the kitchen table and on the rug next to his bedroom.

"Rory," he said, gently placing her on the bed.

"Yeah?"

"I always knew."

"I think," she said, pulling him down on top of her. "I think I did, too."

He kissed her passionately, unbuttoning her shirt. She pulled his over his head, trying to keep her lips on his for as long as was humanly possible. Then she remembered something.

"Jessmm," she mumbled, her mouth fairly preoccupied. He looked like he was about to respond before he went back to trying to undo the last button on her shirt.

"I—" she stuttered. "I—"

He covered her mouth with his, whispering something into her ear. "Beautiful."

"My mom," she said.

He looked confused for a second before a wicked grin spread on his face. "Well," he said, "If that's what works for you…"

"Shut up," she said. "I need to call her."

"You have to call her _now?_" he asked.

"Yes," she nodded.

"Fine," he said. "I'll get us some food or something." He raised his eyebrows. "We never did get to eat…"

She scowled, picking up her cell phone from where it had been dropped on the floor. "Shoo," she said, waving him out.

"Yeah, yeah," he said, walking out of the room.

She smirked, dialing a number into her phone. It rang. She hadn't realized how nervous she was until it rang. "Lorelai's House of Torture," a voice answered.

"Hi, Mom," Rory laughed.

"What's up, chickadee?" she said, her cheerful voice coming clear across the line.

"I, uh," she said, cringing, "I have something to tell you."

"What is it?" her mother asked, sounding concerned.

She sighed. Now or never, right?


	6. wishful thinking and kerouac jokes

**A/N: **We're back to Jess's POV. I know he's being kind of…interested—for lack of a better word—but, give me a break. He's a guy.

Also, I'm not a good smut writer, so sorry for those of you who were hoping for a little lovin'. R-E-V-I-E-W.

**Disclaimer: **I'm probably being self-centered, but most of you will want to read the story. In fact, most of you don't even _read _the disclaimer, and I could say whatever I wanted in here. I could even say that I owned GG, and no one would notice. Who the hell would sue me, anyway? I'm not gonna take my chances, though, so for those of you who have not tuned my babbling out by now, no, I do not, nor will I ever, own anything relating to Gilmore Girls, or—unfortunately—Milo Ventimiglia.

"There are rules," she said firmly. "You can't interrupt me, you can't yell, you can't make any sarcastic comments, and you can't, can't, _can't_ make any James Dean jokes until I'm finished speaking."

Jess snickered as he took a couple eggs out of the fridge. Rory blew whatever stealthy kind of beat-around-the-bush tactic she planned to use with the James Dean line.

"I am an adult, Mom. You can't tell me what to do!"

He could hear her through the thin walls. He winced when he heard her voice rise, but he couldn't help the crooked smile that spread on his lips. _My girlfriend's so sexy when she takes control_. He chuckled. She probably took control in more ways than one.

"No, I did _not _sleep with him yet!"

Yet. He cracked the eggs into the skillet. He had a weird feeling that she was an omelet-before-sex kinda girl.

"Oh, my God," Rory said, and he could _hear_ the blush in her voice.

He really shouldn't have such expectations. It was Rory, for God's sake. Sweet, virginal Rory, the unattainable princess that you were lucky enough to get a glance at.

But she did say she wanted him.

"Okay. I'll call you tomorrow."

He heard her hang up the phone and walk into the room where he was standing, and he almost felt guilty for all the times he had imagined her naked in the past minute.

But then she kissed him.

"Hey," he said, pressing a chaste kiss against her temple. "So how big was the freak-out?"

She laughed. "Not that bad, actually."

"What happened?"

"Well," she said, brushing her bangs out of her face, "I told her that I had run into you, and that something had happened and we were getting back together."

"And?" he said, raising his eyebrows. "Is she on the next bus here holding a Samurai sword and a book of ways to commit homicide and get away with it?"

"She did yell," she admitted, averting his eyes. "But I told her that I loved you and you weren't the same hit-and-run teenager as you used to be." She sighed. "I asked her to give you a second chance."

He nodded, knowing that this was difficult for her. Lorelai was her best friend, and even if he didn't particularly like her, she was Rory's mother, and she loved her.

"She said that she had her doubts, but from what Luke's told her, and from how I was explaining things, she promised not to mangle up your body too bad."

"How many Kerouac references did she use?" he asked, putting the eggs he had made for her on a plate.

"Not many," she said. "She was too busy telling really inappropriate anatomy jokes."

He laughed, handing her the plate.

"Aww, you made me an omelet," she cooed. "You _are _perfect for me."

"Well, the way to a Gilmore's heart is through her stomach, right?"

"Right," she smiled, giving him a soft kiss. He took the food out of her hand and set it down on the table, pulling her in for a longer kiss. She quickly wrapped her arms around his waist, her eyes the sultriest shade of blue he had ever seen.

"The eggs," she said weakly as he walked her back to his room.

"They can wait," he mumbled.

"Mmm," she said against his mouth. "I love you."

"I love you, too," he whispered, before closing the door behind them.

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Jess sighed contently, wrapping his arm around her stomach. She looked so peaceful, there. Her skin was pale and damp, a slight pink in her cheeks. Her brown hair was mussed, circling her face in a way that made him think of mermaids. He loved the way her chest moved up and down as she breathed. He loved the way her eyelashes were stuck together, forming little triangles that made shadows on her cheeks. He loved the small smile that lay on her mouth. Most of all, he loved that that smile was there because of him.

He knew that she would probably be re-thinking what she had done by sunrise. That it wouldn't work out; that he wasn't good enough for her. He would never be.

He didn't really mind it, right then, though. She was his, if only for the night; his to kiss and hold and look at, without feeling guilty or mislead. If only for the night, they were them, together, one and only. If only for the night, she was his. If only for the night.


	7. putting your whole heart into it

**A/N:** Sorry for the delay. Fluffy, fluffy chapter. I mean it. Cotton-candy, sheepskin-rug fluffy. Reviews anyway?

**Disclaimer:** Uh huh. Right. Sarcasm noted.

She woke up to the sound of the phone ringing. "Mmm," she mumbled, turning over to snuggle into Jess. She was left with only empty space.

"Wha..." she trailed off, scrunching her brow, trying to remember if he had said anything about getting up early. She _did_ remember him kissing her and saying something about 'being right back,' but she could've sworn that was hours ago. Maybe she had just been sleeping too deeply.

She picked up the phone. "'Lo?" she said drowsily, rubbing her eyes.

"My, my, don't we sound tired."

"Hey, mom," she said, looking around for a shirt. "What's up?"

Lorelai faked surprise. "You don't remember?" she asked.

"Remember what?" said Rory.

"You promised me you would tell me everything!" she yelled into the phone. "Now, I'd rather not hear _all_ the gory details, but if the exhaustion in your voice is any indication of what happened last night, I'd say there's a ninety-nine percent chance that you slept with Jess."

"Huh," said Rory, avoiding her mother's question.

"Oh, God, now you're starting to sound like him." She sighed. "So, tell me, how was he?"

"Oh, my God," said Rory, rolling her eyes.

"What?" asked Lorelai innocently. "Come on, you promised. Was he any good?"

"Jeez."

"Well, Mrs. Mariano, you begged me so hard to give him a second chance I had to conclude that there was a good reason. And since I can think of none better than sex, you're gonna have to give me my money's worth," she jabbed. "And for God's sake, stop using Jess-talk."

"Oh, gee, mom," said Rory, mocking sadness. "I think the line's breaking up! I'm gonna have to call you back."

"Don't think you're going to get out of this, missy!" shouted Lorelai as Rory was hanging up the phone. "I created you!"

"Goodbye, mother," she said. When the line went dead, she slipped on one of Jess's shirts that she had found in his drawer and went into the kitchen in search of coffee. As tired as she was, she couldn't help but smile at how…natural it felt to be here, in Jess Mariano's apartment, wearing his clothes and smelling like his cologne.

"Uh..." she stammered when she walked into the kitchen. Jess was sitting at the table, eating pancakes with the same guy she had seen talking to Jess the day before. "I, uh, didn't know you had someone over."

"I'm sorry," said Jess, who couldn't help but smirk at how embarrassed she was. _Same old Jess,_ she thought. "He just showed up. Rory, this is Cam. Cam, Rory."

"He-lloh," Cam said, drawing out the two syllables. He raised his eyebrows at Jess. "It's very nice to meet you."

"Shut up, Cam," said Jess in a bored tone.

"Um," said Rory, still bright red, "I'm gonna go…put something on…" She pointed towards Jess's room, then walked away. "Oh, my God," she whispered once the door was closed. Way to make an impression.

"Dude, it's the girl from yesterday!" she heard Cam shout from the other room.

"Really?" said Jess, and she smiled at his sarcastic response. "I didn't notice."

God, even his _voice_ gave her butterflies. She couldn't believe that it had taken them so long to get here, where they were finally together, no running away or fake-outs, where both of them were finally ready.

"Look, it's not like it's a one-night-stand, okay?" she heard Jess's voice growl. She leaned in next to the door. "I…" he trailed off. "We have history."

Cam laughed. "History as in this isn't the first time you've slept with her."

"Not that it's any of your business," Jess said angrily, "but we used to date. In high school. And actually, it_ is_ the first time we've slept together."

Rory smiled at his honesty. He wasn't perfect, but that's what _made_ it so perfect. It was one big circle.

"Ha!" Cam shouted, snapping her out of her trance. "She's got you whipped."

"So what if she does?" Jess said nonchalantly.

"She must be some girl," said Cam disbelievingly.

"She's not just some girl," shrugged Jess. "She's _my _girl."

Rory bit her lip, inhaling Jess's scent on his clothes. This was going to work. She was going to make it work. If she didn't know it before, she knew it now. He…made her happy. When she saw him—as stupid as it sounded—her heart flipped. Literally flipped. Like an acrobat. And the way he looked at her—like she was the only person in the world.

This was going to work. It had to.


	8. some family we'll have now, won't we?

**A/N:** Sorry this is a bit late. I've been busy lately, and I actually probably won't be able to update for a while. Thanks for everyone's reviews and support; especially to those who continuously read and review, and to everyone who enjoys reading what I write. Maybe you can take this time to keep it up (wink, wink).

**Disclaimer:** As always, this is unnecessary. I don't own anything. Who, honestly, does?

"Goodbye, Cam," he said, pushing him into the hallway.

"Hey, man, I'm just stating the obvious," Cam shrugged.

"Yeah, yeah," said Jess, rolling his eyes. "Make sure the door hits you on the way out."

"Come on, Mariano, where's the love?"

"See ya."

He sighed once he shut the door. What was his problem, anyway? Jess had waited for so many years for this. For her. And now that they were together, he wasn't about to let his moronic friend mess it up.

Just then, the phone rang. Jess reached over, and in an annoyed tone, answered. "Yeah?"

"What, run out of snide remarks, nephew?"

Jess smiled, shaking his head at his uncle's gruff tone. "What's up, Luke?"

"_What's up?_" he said. "Well, let's see…"

"Jeez," Jess sighed, getting ready for one long speech about respecting your elders.

"So I come home today to Lorelai yelling at someone on the phone about 'promising to tell her everything' and 'it must be some great sex' and of course my immediate thought is either a. she's finally cracked or b. there is something seriously big going on." Luke paused, and Jess could imagine him pacing around Lorelai's house. "So I ask her what's up and guess what she says?"

"OJ Simpson is hiding in the closet, and that's why there's such a weird smell?"

"Close, but no," said Luke. "She informs me that Jess Mariano, _my_ nephew, the one that used to be a grade A asshole, is rooming with her daughter."

"Huh."

"Alright, let's start over. Hey, Jess, anything you want to tell me?"

"Nothin' comes to mind, Uncle Luke."

"Uh huh," he said. "Well, I think that this is great."

"Do you now?" said Jess, smirking.

"Yes, I do," Luke said. "And you know what I realized?"

"I wouldn't even be able to guess."

"Technically, you and Rory are cousins."

Jess choked on the water he had been drinking. "Technically, it's impossible for me to punch you through the phone, but, hey, since I saw Back to the Future, I figure anything's possible."

"You totally didn't realize that, did you?" Luke chuckled.

"Hey, you know what?" Jess said with his I-may-look-small-but-I-could-beat-you-to-a-pulp voice. "Really, Rory and I started dating long before you and Lorelai did. So actually, I'm not dating my step-cousin, you just married your nephew's girlfriend."

"Right," snorted Luke. "I'm sure the court will see it that way."

"Please," said Jess. "If Rory and I got married it would be completely legal."

"Aw," Luke said, mocking sincerity. "You wanna marry her?"

"Ah, Jeez." He could hear Lorelai laughing in the background. "Tell your wife to shut up, will you?"

"Now that's no way to talk to your future mother-in-law."

"I'm serious!" he said, rolling his eyes. "If she doesn't stop I'm gonna hang up."

"You would hang up on your in-laws?" said Luke.

"No," Jess said. "But I will hang up on my crazy aunt and uncle and then immediately call the nearest mental institution. Do I need an address or should I just tell them to just dig and stop when they hit flannel?"

Lorelai continued to laugh in the background and now Luke had joined her.

"Hanging up now," said Jess.

"Wait," Luke choked through laughter. "Wait, Jess, I want to tell you something."

"What, out of giant butterfly nets for Lorelai?"

"I'm serious."

"So am I."

Luke sighed. "Look, Jess, I…I, uh, think this is really…great. You and Rory. It's good."

Jess smiled. After everything that had happened, he had always counted on Luke to give him his honest opinion. He had been so much of a father to him. His approval meant more than he'd ever admit to anyone, even Rory.

He cocked his head, thinking that maybe getting hitched wasn't such a horrible idea. "Me, too," he said. "Thanks, Luke. Really."


	9. sugar, honey, sweetheart, babe

**A/N:** Just to tell you, right now I'm virtually groaning and covering my face with my head. This is such a filler and I'm super sorry if it's horrible. Also, I might get in maybe one or two more chapters before Sunday, but after that I'm gonna be gone for a month, and will have no access to a computer from where I'm staying. Which means, you know, that I would really, _really _like a lot of reviews for when I get back. I swear I'll give a prize to whoever can make me smile the most.

**Disclaimer: **Okay, so have you ever tried to bit your own ear off? Well, as soon as you do that, get back to me.

Rory slid herself through the crack in the door, quietly pushing it shut behind her. She did _not _need Cam-the-asshole jumping out at her, and she didn't want to interrupt whatever phone call Jess was making, either.

She slipped on one of Jess's sweatshirts over what she had on, which was currently her jeans from yesterday and a t-shirt. Whatever. It wasn't like she needed to rock the fashion world, or anything. She was a freakin' journalist, for God's sake.

"Jess?" she called, once he had hung up the phone.

"Hey," he said quietly, his voice a low, gravelly tone. He leaned down and kissed her softly, running his hands over her arms in a surprisingly delicate gesture.

"Um," she said, shocked by the sweet way he was acting. Yeah, he had always been careful and kind with his actions, but he usually wasn't so…gentleman-y. "Um," she repeated. Plus, it didn't help that she was nervous. She couldn't help it. She knew what she wanted to tell—or ask—him, and it was kind of big.

"Yeah?" he said, twirling her hair between his fingers.

"Uh…" she said, biting her lip. "I know it's weird, and this is new and all, and, I mean, we only _just_—like, _just _just, got back together and everything, but I was thinking, and, I mean, you don't have to agree or anything, but it feels just so…" she trailed off, "natural, here, with us. You know? And it's stupid, but I thought maybe I could just…stay here." She took a deep breath, sucking in the air like life-support—which it kind of was. "You know. Like move in. And it would be totally fine if you think it's, I don't know…too much, too soon, or whatever, but I wanted to ask, 'cause it just seems right." Jess remained silent, his lip twitching in a half-smile. She blushed, embarred. "'Sokay if you don't want me too. Really. I mean, we're just starting, and—"

He cut her off with a kiss, cupping her face between his hand, his chocolate eyes shining warmly.

"Babe, we never ended."

She smiled, pulling him into another kiss. "I'm gonna go to my apartment to call the movers. I like your place better."

He shut his eyes, leaning his forehead against hers. "Okay."

She sighed contently. "I don't want to go."

"You don't have to."

"Um, a: your not helping, and b: I can't live in your sweatpants and t-shirts."

"So?" he shrugged. "Who needs clothes?"

She hit him playfully on the arm, before giving him a small kiss and walking towards the door. Then she realized something.

"Hold on," she said, her blue eyes glinting with mischief. "Did you just call me babe?"

He visibly tightened for a second, before ducking his head and looking away. "I can't recall."

"Oh, my God, you totally did. You called me babe. You old softie!"

"Jeez," he said under his breath. "What do you wanna eat tonight?"

She threw her head back laughing. "Are you serious?"

"Thai food sound okay?" he asked, looking through the cupboards for something.

"Aw, embarrassed, Jessie?

"'Cause I'm really in the mood for Thai."

"Are you doing that thing where you change the subject and ignore me until I get so annoyed I just give up whatever I was teasing you about?"

"Shit, I can't find the menu. Whatever, just tell me what you want."

"I'm not gonna let this go. I'm my mother's daughter, remember?"

"Or I could order for you. I mean, it's not like your picky or anything."

She sighed. "You know what I like. I'll be back later."

He smiled, kissing the top of her head. "See you, sweetheart," he whispered in her ear.

She smirked before walking out of the apartment, closing the door behind her. On the way down the hallway, she bumped into a woman who looked about her age. She was pretty, with dark, almost-black hair and soft green eyes. She dropped the book she had been carrying when Rory ran into her.

"Oh, sorry," the woman said, picking up her things.

"No, my fault," Rory gushed. "I wasn't looking where I was going."

The woman sighed, then squinted. "Do I know you?" she asked. "You look familiar."

"I don't think so," Rory said. She was almost positive they had never met before.

The woman ran a hand through her hair in an absent-minded kind of way. "Oh well. Familiar faces, I guess." She shrugged, heading in the opposite direction. "Bye."

Rory watched the woman walk away and was almost going to turn around and forget about her before she realized where she was headed. Jess's apartment. Her breath hitched. Uh-oh.


	10. safe from something that never began

**A/N: **Yes, it is finally here. I'm not even sure if you'll like this; it's a little more soap-opera-y than usual. And btw, don't worry. The next chapter should be comin shortly after.

**Disclaimer: **Ha. Good luck with that.

He's so happy that he almost has no words to explain it. Then again, it's not like he ever talked that much anyhow. He hears a knock at the door and smiles, something unheard of, or at least unlikely, and he walks over to open it, ready to greet her with a kiss. _Ready to kiss my girlfriend_, he thinks.

But it is not his girlfriend at the door.

"Hi," she said, stepping into the apartment. "How's it going, Jess?"

He's taken aback. "Wha—no. No way. Julie?"

"In the flesh," the girl said, winking an emerald eye.

He's hit with anger, out of nowhere. "I can't _believe _this," he murmurs to himself. _I finally get it together with Rory, and then _she _shows up._ "What are you doing here?"

"Just came to visit, Jessie," she smiles, making herself at home on his couch.

Jess gets a flash of Rory using that same pet-name just minutes before, and suddenly feels really guilty about nothing at all.

"What the _fuck_?" Jess said, his anger boiling higher than before. "It's been a fucking year, Jules. One fucking year and not so much as a word from you and now you show up and act like we're best friends? People don't _do _that, Julie."

Julie rolls her eyes and absently twists a lock of her dark curls. It reminds Jess of one of the popular girls in those teen movies that he would rather stick his head in the oven than go and see.

"Look, I just wanted to see you, okay?" she said. "I missed you."

Jess shakes his head. "Missed me. That's funny, Jules."

"I'm serious," she said, getting up and walking toward him. "I admit it. I made a huge mistake. I'm sorry."

"Sorry doesn't cut it, babe," Jess said with a sneer. "Too little, too late."

"It's not too late," she said, moving closer to him. "I love you. And you love me. You know you do."

Jess stood stock-still, almost laughing at the irony. When she had left the year before, he had almost wanted nothing than for her to come back. But he never really loved her. He knew that. He never really had any idea of the one, _the _girl, since Rory. It had always been Rory.

Lost in his thoughts, he hadn't noticed Julie inching closer to him. When he finally snapped out of his gaze, he was surprised to find her looking up at him, so close he could smell her perfume.

"You love me," she said, as though just the power of those words could make them come true.

He backed away. "What the fuck!?" he yelled. "Get away from me. I don't love you. I never loved you."

"Not true," she said.

"Yes, it is," he laughed. "I'm sorry, Julie. Yeah, I cared about you and we had a good run but you left and you just need to leave, now."

She shook her head, her perfect jaw clenched in frustration. "Oh, come on, Jess. What? Do you have another girlfriend or something?"

Jess sighed. "Not that it concerns you but yes, I do. And even if I didn't I still wouldn't give you another chance. You were a conceited bitch when we were going out and you're a conceited bitch now that we're not. It just took me this long to realize it."

"You're just saying that 'cause you're afraid."

"Afraid of what?"

"Of admitting that you're still in love with me," she said.

He stomped his foot. "For God's sake, I don't love you!"

"Whatever, Jess," Julie said, a look of determination on her face. She picked up her purse, heading towards the door. "Just remember that I'm here. So when whatever bitch you're dating now decides to dump you, I'll be sure to remind you that you were the one that came crawling back to me."

Jess jumped up, moving towards her and shaking his head. "You can call me whatever you want," he said, his hands shaking with anger. "But don't you _dare _insult my girlfriend. Ever."

Julie smiled before opening the door. "See you later, Jess. I'm sure I will." Then she shut the door and walked away.

Jess hovered by the exit for a while, his whole body pulsing with what he thought was pure hate. She had no right to come in like that, after so long. No right. What was wrong with her? After a year, too! His mind whirled with angry thoughts but after a couple of minutes, he started to realize something.

What Julie had done to him was exactly the same as what he had done to Rory. Come back, after so long and tell her that he loved her. She didn't deserve him. She deserved better. He didn't want her to have to settle for him.

He hung his head, coming to the sad truth that the only way to protect Rory was to save her from himself—she didn't love him. He knew that now. She never had.

He just sat there, thinking, watching the minutes on the clock tick away and enjoying the moments he had left where, technically, he had his girl. He thought how sad it was that she was only his for so much longer.


	11. all the things that can't compare

Rory watched the girl walk away, then slumped down next to the door to Jess's—their—apartment. She tried to comprehend what had just happened. _That bitch_, she thought. All she really wanted to do was go inside and see _her _Jess. And tell him that, really, he was the only thing she wanted. And clearly, she smiled, she was the only thing he did, too.

She opened the door, startled at the pained expression that entered Jess's face when he saw her come in. He quickly wiped it off, though, replacing it with his patented non-emotion look.

"Hi," she said.

"Hey," he snapped. He was avoiding her gaze.

"I…uh," she sighed. "I heard. What happened. I could hear you through the door."

"Oh."

"Yup."

She walked over to him, running her fingers through his hair. He turned his head, keeping his face expressionless.

"What's wrong?" she asked. "She left. It's…just us, now."

"I know."

"So what's wrong, then?"

He bit his lip, closing his eyes as though whatever he had to say was difficult. He got up from where he was sitting and finally locked his gaze with hers. She could see that something was up.

"We can't be together, Rory."

"What?" she replied, blinking her eyes. There had to be a mistake. He was upset; he wasn't thinking straight.

"We…" he said, gulping for air. "We can't be together."

"What are you talking about?" she asked.

"It's not right, okay?" he said, shaking his head. "You're just gonna get hurt."

"I love you, Jess," she said frantically, trying to understand.

"No," he said. "You don't love me. You can't love _me_."

"Oh, my God," she said. "You're crazy. I love you. I know it. I always have."

"Why?" he said. His face was calm, but his eyes betrayed him. He wasn't okay. "Why would you ever love me? I'm a screw-up. All I do is hurt you." He shook his head, laughing bitterly. "I mess up, I leave, I leave _you_, and then I come back and tell you I love you like that'll fix everything. It doesn't work anymore, Rory. You're just gonna end up hurt."

"Look, Jess," she said. "I don't know what that girl did to make you think that, but that's...just…wrong. We were teenagers. We didn't know what we were doing and—"

"What makes you think it was about our age?" he asked, looking directly at her. "Why do you assume that it's maturity? Don't you get it? I'm always gonna hurt you. That's just the way it is. You don't love me! It's nostalgia, or something. You don't love me."

"You didn't let me finish," she said. "I was going to say that yes, you screwed up. We both did. But why do you think that we kept on coming back? Everything that happened between us—I don't regret it. It was real, Jess. It still is. That's love."

"NO!" he yelled, suddenly angry. Suddenly mad. "It's not! Love isn't like that. You don't…never call and leave and cheat and lie and _run_ when you're in love! It isn't love!"

Rory just laughed. She thought about how much she would have gone through, how much she had gone through for this beautiful boy—this man. She knew, then.

"I'll tell you what love is," she said calmly. "I love the way that the bridge of your nose is kind of off," she said, smiling. She reached forward and touched the offending feature.

"I love that. I love that we can sit in complete silence and it would never be uncomfortable. I love the way your hair looks after you've been sitting for a while; all straight up and wavy. I love that we can disagree on _everything_, but both know that, secretly, we're just too stubborn to admit that the other is right."

She laughed, turning in circles just because. "I love that it took us this long to finally get it right, even though we both knew—even though _you_ knew that we were meant to be since we met. I love that you held my hands before you kissed me, and that you bought my basket, and that every single night since I met you, I would dream that someday, one day, we'd be together. I love how insecure you are, even though I always knew that you could do whatever you wanted to."

She looked at him, smiling such a delirious smile that she almost forgot what she was saying. "Most of all, though, I love that when you kiss me, every single bone in my body starts going haywire, and that then is when I know that I have always loved you, and that you're so incredibly imperfect, there's no way I could ever love anyone else."

He looked at her, his gaze so intense that, for a second, she thought maybe he actually was going to burn holes into her skin.

"You know what I love?" he asked, the corners of his mouth curving in anticipation.

"What?" she asked.

"I love that everything you just said can not even compare to my list about you."

She laughed, kissing him so sweetly that he could almost taste the sugar.

"So I guess I'll get my stuff then, right?"

He grinned. "What stuff?"

"Well," she said. "I guess I could do that later."

"Huh."


	12. learning to deal: with mothers, etc

**A/N: **I realized that I hadn't updated this story in a while. A lot was going on, and I just haven't had time to work on it. However, I was reading the reviews for BTL and, suddenly, inspiration hit. Literally. So I want to make a couple call-outs to some very special reviewers. **Curley-Q**, **Literati and naley forever**, **cmtaylor531**, **RBDFAN**, and **JPNeverlosetheButterflies**: You guys have faithfully reviewed almost every chapter of my story. I know I've said it before, but hearing what people thing or even just that they enjoyed my writing makes me so happy. Thanks. **diiimples**: Your review may have been one of the sweetest I've ever gotten. And I definitely agree with you on the guy thing. ; **gilmorejunkie1230** and **dtng4ever**: Your reviews have been by far the most entertaining. Not only do you seem to like my story, but you make me laugh, too, which is always a plus. **EmeraldLily06**: Although you've only started reviewing a couple chapters ago, you've made it clear that you intend to be a faithful reader. And to everyone else who I haven't mentioned, your awesome. Seriously. This chapter is dedicated to all of you.

P.S. You'll notice that this is a little later than I left off. You'll catch on.

**Disclaimer:** I know it's been a whole, but that doesn't mean I suddenly own Gilmore Girls.

They had started to form a pattern. He wasn't quite sure when it started, but he knew that he enjoyed having this beautiful creature to come home to. She had been living with him for a month, more or less, but it he could hardly remember how he had ever managed to live without her.

The house smelled like her. There was the dark aroma of coffee slowly spreading itself to every corner of every room, which he thought he might grow sick of but in retrospect he found it comforting. She had her own side on the bed (the right side—closer to the window and the dresser, so that, besides him, the Boston sunrise was the first thing she saw when she woke up), and all the sheets were lightly tinged with her perfume.

He didn't mind having to share, and he liked their routine. She would wake up first, usually rolling over to give him a kiss before jumping in the shower, and he would grunt and grumble until he heard the water turn on. He never told her, but he would often press his ear against the bathroom door and listen to her sing—happy songs, quietly but sweetly.

On the weekends, they would sleep in and he would make her breakfast (pancakes, eggs, bacon, waffles, toast), reminding her of the days she used to spend with her mom in Luke's. Sometimes they would spend the day at home, sometimes they would go out to bookstores or parks and read; just enjoying one another's company.

It was perfect. He had decided that from early on, but it was only truly beginning to set it. He had his girl, his work, his life set up in such a manner that he could easily imagine spending the rest of his days exactly this same way.

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

"Hey, Jess?" Rory said, taking a bite of toast and a sip of coffee. It was the Saturday marking the one and a half months that had past since they had gotten back together. It wasn't a real anniversary, of course, so it wasn't like she was expecting him to do anything. But he did notice that she seemed like she had something on her mind.

"Mmhmm?" he mumbled in acknowledgement, giving her a chaste kiss on the shoulder.

"I think I might take a week of work and spend some time with my mom in Star's Hollow."

"Okay," he shrugged. He didn't mind. He knew that Lorelai wasn't exactly one hundred percent into his and Rory's relationship, and it would be good for her to have some mother-daughter quality time. Or something like that.

"Really?" she asked, surprised. "I thought you would at least protest a little."

He smirked, noticing that she sounded kind of disappointed. "Oh, well, I didn't mean okay as in 'okay, have fun,' I meant it like 'okay, you can go, but I shall be pining every minute that you are gone and your perfect existence is no longer around me.'"

She blushed, hitting him in the ribs with her elbow. "Shut up, that's not what I meant."

"What did you mean, then?" he questioned, rubbing the wound she had created.

"I was hoping that maybe you could come. You know, do a little bonding with that uncle of yours."

He sighed. "Oh, man, Rory, I don't know."

"Why not? I know he misses you."

"I...miss him, too, I guess," Jess muttered. Then, louder, "but your mom isn't really head-over-heals with the whole idea of you and me. I just think that maybe we should give her a little more time to adjust before dropping her with a whole week of Rory-and-Jess."

Rory smiled, leaning over the table to give him a peck on the cheek. "I know you think she doesn't like you Jess—"

"—and she hasn't really done anything to prove otherwise—"

"—but," she said over his protests, "she doesn't need more time. She just needs to accept that you are the one I chose. And if she doesn't like that, well, her loss."

Jess rolled his eyes, choosing to ignore the sentimental comment. "Fine," he said. "We will spend a week with your mother." He kissed her lightly on the lips before getting up. "I need to go pick something up from the office before Monday. I'll be back in an hour or so."

She didn't, however, miss the comments he said under his breath as he walked out the door.

"Shit, what am I going to wear?"

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He walked into the office to see Cam sitting at the desk, flirting with one of the interns. She was a redhead that looked as though she was scared to death of the guy sitting in front of her, staring blatantly at her ass.

"Oh, God, Cam, just get a Playboy or something. It's less embarrassing."

"Man, what are you talking about?" he asked. "Me and…Sarah—"

"It's Leslie," the redhead said quietly.

"Right, Leslie. Gotta remember that."

"Whatever," Jess said, laughing. "Listen, man, I'm gonna be out of town like two weeks from now, so get Dylan or Mark to fill in, okay?"

"Yeah, sure, but may I ask where you're heading off to?"

"No, you can't." Cam opened his mouth to protest but didn't have a chance to say anything before Jess cut him off. "And to answer your next question, it's none of your business."

"You suck," Cam mumbled, turning his attention back to the intern.

"Wow, those insults of yours are really improving." Jess smirked, picking up his papers and sneaking a look at the calendar. He took out a sharpie and blocked off one week.

Sighing, he walked out the door, wondering how in the world he was going to survive this the entire drive home. 


	13. please and thank you, peaches & herb

A/N: Yes, it's true, I have indeed returned from the dead. To make up for my absence, I have an extra-long (dirty) chapter for you. As always, thanks to all my readers and reviewers, and please continue what your doing : )

Disclaimer: I feel like a broken record.

"Mom!" Rory yelled, stepping into the familiar household. She deeply breathed in the air, taking in the particular scent that the Gilmore home held.

"Daughter! You're here!" she heard a voice scream from the second floor.

She felt Jess tug on her hand, and she gave him a gentle squeeze of reassurance. Kissing his temple, she whispered a few comforting words into his ear.

"It'll be fine."

"I'm not so sure about that," he said, his teeth clenched. "I mean, let's face it: I'm not exactly Lorelai's biggest fan."

"Look," Rory said, her blue eyes sincere, "if my mom can see even half of what I see in you, she won't have any doubts."

Jess sighed. He wasn't going to win this argument.

They heard footsteps coming quickly down the stairs, and Rory's mouth twitched involuntarily into a big smile. "Mom!" she yelled, running forward to hug the elder woman.

"Long time no see, sweets."

"I know! I missed you!"

In the corner of her eye, Rory saw Jess watch the interaction; a slight smirk on his face. She knew that this was uncomfortable for him, and he was probably nervous as hell; but the truth was that she wanted to…start over. For Lorelai and for Jess. Because she knew that they were more alike than they thought.

She pulled back from the embrace, taking Jess's hand and squeezing it slightly. "Mom," she said, pulling him forward. "This is…my boyfriend."

"I believe we've met once or twice, actually," Lorelai baited, putting on a smile for the sake of her daughter. It looked too stretched, though. "Hi, Jess."

"Hey, Lorelai."

"It's Mrs. Danes to you."

"Mom!"

"I'm just kidding, here, come sit down." Lorelai ushered them further into the house, and Rory looked around for any changes that might've taken place while she'd been gone. It still looked the same; although she wasn't use to the remodeling they'd down a while back. She smiled at the magazines spread across the coffee table, and the little messes that her mother never seemed to clean up.

"So," her mother's voice snapped her out of her trance and she looked up, still holding Jess's hand. "We can stay here for a little, or just go straight to Luke's for burgers, but keep in mind that I haven't eaten all day and we have no food or entertainment in this house so staying here really isn't an option."

"To Luke's it is," Jess said, only just refraining from rolling his eyes.

"Yes, I'm starving," Rory added in a cheerful voice.

The three walked quickly to the diner; Lorelai laughing about the goings-on in town and Rory filling her in on the latest about her work and home. Occasionally Jess would make polite conversation but mostly he just kept quiet, enjoying the sight of a mother and daughter who got along so well.

The bell rang familiarly above them as they entered Luke's, and the rest of the patrons inside smiled, a couple getting up to greet Rory or stare at Jess. They sat down at a small table, waiting for a specific person to show up.

"Luke!" Rory yelled, jumping up to give him a hug. He smiled and recuperated, his gaze flicking from Rory to Lorelai to Jess. "I've missed you!"

"Me, too," Luke grumbled, looking down as he adjusted his hat. Rory smirked. Luke may try to seem gruff and careless, but everyone in town knew that he was a softie for the Gilmore women.

Jess stood up, nervously quirking his mouth to the side and staring intently at the specials board. Finally, he looked at Luke. "You…never changed it," he said.

Luke looked confused for a second before following his nephew's gaze. "Oh," he said, "Yeah, well, you did it so nice and all…it would be a shame to, you know, uh…ruin it."

Jess nodded, and Lorelai snorted. Rory turned to glare at her for a second, then watched as the two men, one still seen as a seventeen-year-old boy, troubled and scared, to the other. After what seemed like three straight minutes of waiting, Luke pulled Jess into a fatherly embrace, and even Lorelai couldn't help but crack a grin.

"Well," Luke muttered, quickly regaining his composure as Jess walked back to where the women were seated. "Burgers and coffee?"

"Chili fries!" Lorelai shouted as he headed back to the kitchen.

"And pie!" Rory yelled.

"Apple!"

"With whipped cream!"

The elder Gilmore looked fondly at the younger. "Oh, I missed you!" she squealed, kissing her on the cheek.

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Later, when the group had gathered at the house, Lorelai called Rory into the kitchen to "help her with something." Rory complied, shooting Jess a glance and mouthing that she'd be back in a minute.

"What is it, Mom?" she asked when she got inside.

"What are you talking about, dearest child?" Lorelai quipped, making her eyes wide and putting on an innocent expression.

"Look, there's obviously something you want to say to me. And since there is nothing better for you to dwell on, I have a pretty good idea on what it's about."

"Oh, do you?"

"Yes. Jess."

"How dare you!" Lorelai teased. "You _so_ stole my bit!"

"Mom," Rory said, her face serious.

"Okay, okay," she sighed, dropping her voice and moving closer to her daughter. "It's just, I'm a little worried about this J-situation."

"There's nothing to—"

"Yeah, babe, I get it, nothing to worry about. Look, just let m finish this, okay?" Rory nodded. "I know that it's been a while since Jess was the beer-stealing-back-talking rebel-without-a-cause, however, I also know that it's clear you never got over it when he broke your heart. And I'm not saying that it's going to happen again, but history does tend to repeat itself. I just…don't want to see you get hurt."

Rory looked her mom in the eye. "You still think of Jess as a teenager, mom. And don't try to deny it; I saw the déjà vu on your face the minute he stepped into the house. But, please, believe me when I tell you that he has changed. He's older and more responsible, but he's also the same, too. And the reason it seemed to take me so long to get over 'when he broke my heart' is because I never _did_ get over it. I didn't need to, because I still loved him. Love him. So you're just going to have to trust me judgment on this."

"Well, Ms. Brockovich, you make a convincing argument. Just tell me…are you happy? Really happy? Head-over-heels, free-cone-day happy?"

"I'm coffee-swimming-pool, scream-into-a-pillow happy, mom."

Lorelai smiled. "Good," she said, taking her daughters hand. The two walked back into the living room together.


	14. i guess i like the way i feel with you

**A/N: **It's been a while, ya'll. But I'm back! )

**Disclaimer:** Nahhhh, chill.

Jess studied the side of her face as she held tight to the wheel. Her eyes were squinted in concentration; darting to the road signs occasionally and then quickly back to the car in front of them. She had always been a careful driver—he knew that even when he was the one driving back on their ice cream run in high school. She obeyed the speed limit religiously, kept a football field between them and the guy in front, kept one eye on her side and rear-view mirrors (he didn't even understand how she managed this), and began to slow for lights and stops signs two miles before she hit them. He loved this side of her; it made him feel like he didn't have to worry and, though he would never tell his friends, he felt safe. And maybe if he knew she was so careful with his life, she would also be careful with his heart. And that was all he hoped for.

He hadn't realize that he must have been staring for over ten minutes until she scrunched up her nose.

"Stop it," she scolded, her eyes still focused on the black tar.

"Stop what?"

"Stop looking at me like that."

"Like what?"

"Like my face is covered in giant, green splotches. You're making me nervous."

"Sorry," he said, smirking. He widened his eyes and let his jaw hang open, leering. "Is this better?"

"You're an asshole," she snapped, smiling.

"Yeah, well," he shrugged. "Everyone has issues."

"And you're mine."

"Indeed."

They were quiet for a minute, watching the Connecticut scenery pass by the windows.

"So that wasn't so bad, right?" Rory asked, her voice small and serious. "I mean, Mom was nice, and Luke was happy to see you. It was okay, right?"

"Sure," Jess said nonchalantly. "No one was strangled or choked to death on one of Luke's burgers or anything."

"So we can call it a success?" she questioned hopefully. Jess chuckled, seeing the way her eyes lit up like she had just won the lottery.

"Yeah," he said. "It was great."

"Great," she repeated, the tension that had previously been inhabiting her shoulders slowly melting down. "Great."

He watched her turn her attention back to driving, now with a small smile that he could only recognize from the side. "Great," he said, quietly.

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That night, when they were sitting at the kitchen table eating cold Chinese food out of cartons, there was a knock at the door.

"I'll get it," Jess said, seeing that Rory was shoving lo mein into her mouth as if she hadn't eaten in months. She nodded, not even bothering to swallow.

"Hey," he said, opening the door to see Cam standing outside.

"I gotta talk to you, man," Cam said, his eyes flitting between Jess, the apartment, and the hallway.

Jess closed the door, stepping outside. "What's up?"

"It's…ah." Cam looked away, shuffling his feet. "I…uh…"

"Just spit it out, man, you're making me nervous."

"Look, this is already uncomfortable enough without you're help."

Jess sighed, turning back towards the apartment. "Alright, you're really starting to freak me out. And Rory's probably wondering what's going on and she's gonna come out here soon to see so just tell me what's going on, Cam."

"Do you remember my ex-girlfriend, Karen?" Cam asked suddenly.

"The blond?"

"Yeah."

"Well, sure," Jess shrugged, "but what's she got to do with anything?" 

"Remember how I broke up with her and then three months later she got in a car accident and it scared the fuck out of me?"

"Where are you going with this?" Jess asked, confused.

"It's Julie, Jess. She's…hurt. Like really fucked up."

"Shit," Jess said. "What happened?"

"There was a fire in her building. It was on the third story and by the time the fire department came, it had already covered more than half her apartment. I'm…sorry, man."

"Sorry? Why are you sorry?" Jess asked, his voice irritated. "She's not even my fucking girlfriend anymore, Cam. Why did you have to come and tell me that? I'm not in fucking charge of her. She's got nothing to do with me."

"I just thought—"

"Yeah, well, you were wrong!" Jess yelled. "Go home and tell Julie that she can stay the fuck out of my life."

"Alright, dude," Cam said. He turned around and began walking, but stopped at the end of the hallway. "She's staying at Thomason Medical," he said. "Just in case."

Jess nodded, covering his head with his hands.

Shit.


	15. broken bones and broken hearts

**A/N:** This chapter's a little longer, partly because I feel bad for making you wait so long, and partly cause I couldn't pick another place to break it up without making it to short. Review, please.

**Disclaimer: **Why even bother, honestly?

"What's the matter?" Rory asked, swallowing. "You look sick." Jess was pale, his dark eyes clouded over and his hand shaking against the kitchen table.

"I'm fine," he said quietly.

"No, you're not," Rory said. "I've seen you when you're fine and you're definitely not fine."

"I said I was fine."

"Jess, just 'fess up. You know I'm gonna find out anyhow, so you might as well tell me right away and avoid yourself the trouble."

"I'm fine!" Jess yelled, slamming his fist into the table. The salt and pepper shakers previously sitting in the middle of the table bounced off and hit the floor, the shrill sound of cracked glass echoing in the following silence. Everything was eerily quiet for a few more seconds, before Rory looked up calmly.

"You know what, babe?" she asked angrily. "I am sick and tired of your avoidance games. If you're mad about something, go hit a wall outside. Go into the bathroom and cry. Call Cam and go to a strip joint. Whatever; I don't mind. But before you step back into this apartment, you better be damned sure that you're not gonna take it out on me. 'Cause if I have to spend one more second dealing with your goddamn rebel bullshit I swear I will not be here in the morning."

With that, she stepped daintily over the broken glass, walked into the bedroom, and shut the door.

"Fuck," Rory heard Jess say from outside. A few minutes passed by, and eventually she heard him sweeping up the glass on the floor. She didn't move from her spot on the bed. In fact, if her chest wasn't moving almost inconceivably up and down, no one would've known she was alive.

Rory stayed in that same position and listened to the faint ticking of a clock in the background. Maybe five minutes had passed, maybe two hours, before she heard the door to the bedroom creak open.

"Hey," Jess whispered, sliding down next to her. "Look, I'm sorry."

Rory didn't respond.

"You're completely accurate. I have no right to act like that to anyone, _especially_ you. It's not your fault that I have a screwed up past. It's not your fault that my friends are idiots and my exes are psycho. And it's like, you are the one good thing in my life and I have to go and mess that up, too."

Rory made a soft sighing sound, but didn't say anything.

"I…shouldn't take my anger out on you. Not ever. I have no excuse for that. And I _should_ share stuff with you. You're my girlfriend for Christ's sake. Okay, well, here it is." He sighed. "Julie's in the hospital. She's not doing so good."

Rory moved her head to look at him. She stared for a minute, waiting for him to continue.

"And I'm not sad, it just surprised me. I don't have any feelings for her," he said, looking directly in his girlfriend's eyes. "But if Dean or Logan or whoever was almost dead, I know you'd be a little shocked to."

Rory nodded almost imperceptibly.

"But that's still not an excuse. I love you, Rory, really; I wouldn't want to do anything to lose you. But sometimes that stupid creep you dated in high school comes out and I just can't stop him. I'm gonna try from now on, okay? If I'm mad, I'm not gonna take it out on you. You were right. And I'm sorry." He let out a breath.

She looked at him a little longer, before slowly lowering her head onto his chest. Keeping their close proximity, she lifted up her head and gently kissed his neck. "You're forgiven," she mumbled into his shirt. "But, Jess, just 'cause I'm you're girlfriend doesn't mean you can treat me like shit."

"I know," Jess said. "I'd never wanna hurt you, Rory,"

Rory laughed, snuggling closer into his neck.

"And yet you always do," she whispered.

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Rory watched him move with every breath he took, enjoying the way his lips twitched a little in his sleep.

Slowly, meticulously, she removed his arm from it's place around her waist, and got up. She quietly put on the clothes she had on the day before (a simple skirt and blouse) and walked out of the bedroom, careful not to wake the sleeping form within.

There were a few things she needed to do.

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When she reached the hospital, she checked the sheet of paper where she had written down the numbers Cam had told her. After a few wrong turns, she reached 207.

"Hi," she said cautiously to the woman sitting in the bed before her. She had the same dark hair and green eyes, but there were burns on her arms and scars on her face, not to mention a cast of her left leg and a lot of bandages in various other places. But Rory looked strongly upon the broken figure, keeping her gaze steady. "You probably don't remember me, but I met you. Once."

"You're right," Julie said, her voice hoarse. "I don't remember you."

"Well, I'm Jess Mariano's girlfriend." She watched an intense look cross the woman's face. "I'm sure you remember him."

"Yes," she said shortly. "I do. Why are you here, Jess-Mariano's-girlfriend?"

"I came here to tell you that although Jess won't be visiting you, he wants to. It's 'cause of me he's not gonna come." She watched the woman sit up a little angrily, before the continued. "I didn't tell him not to, or anything, but I know that he thinks I don't want him to. And he's right, I don't. But he still cares about you. In some small sense, he still thinks of you. Not enough to break up with me, or get together with you, and I'm almost positive he doesn't _love_ you, not completely, but some part of him still thinks of you in a good way."

Julie looked at Rory, and the blue-eyed girl was filled with a sudden sense of remorse for this broken lover, because, in a way, they were so very similar. Rory had known what it was like to love and feel unloved, but she had found her happy ending. Julie had not.

"Thank you," Julie said, so quietly Rory had to lean forward to hear her. "I didn't really mean to hurt either of you. I'm…sorry."

Their trance broke, and Rory smirked. "You're not, but that's okay. It was nice to meet you, Julie."

"Yeah," Julie said. "It really was."


	16. anniversaries, presents, tomatoes?

**A/N:** I'm afraid that BTL is drawing to a close. I admit, the ending I'm setting up for isn't the most traditional, but I promise you it's not how it seems. It's going to be good. Reviews?

**Disclaimer:** Yadda, yadda, yadda. Seriously, folks, nothing's new here.

Tomorrow would be the five-month mark of their relationship. Sometimes Jess would wonder how so much time had gone by when it seemed like a few days ago that she had found his books in her library. But in some ways, it seemed like so much longer. In his head he counted out their relationship as an on-going thing; eight months from high school five now 13 months; a little over a year. He didn't think of it as a break-up—especially since he never _technically_ broke up with her, or vice versa. It was just years they had spent apart; not broken up, but apart. The girls he had dated in between (which weren't many, and didn't last long) were distractions, flings, little scratches in the surface, never combining enough to make a tally. Dean, Logan, and anyone else she had dated were the same in his head; even if she loved them at some point, he was sure they were only temporary. In some ways, he knew she knew this, too.

That night, after work and reading and pot roast, Jess and Rory were lying in bed. They weren't _doing_ anything, just lying there, and although he would never admit it, Jess enjoyed feeling her deep breaths over his, her head moving slightly from it's spot on his chest, stray hairs from her ponytail tickling his neck. He liked the way she had a soapy scent, and that her eyes were darker when they were tired.

"Jess?" Rory said quietly, interrupting his thoughts.

"Hmm?" he mumbled.

Rory turned over so that her head was facing his, her chin poking on his abdomen. "Could you…" she trailed off.

"What is it?"

"Could you…" she began again. "Would you…never mind. It's stupid."

"No, no," he said. "What is it? Tell me."

Rory buried her head in his shirt, breathing in his cologne.

Jess shook. "That tickles."

"Sorry," she said, her voice muffled.

"Rory," Jess said, his voice low. "What's up?"

Rory sighed. "Couldyouteachmetocook?" she asked quickly.

"Huh?"

"Could you teach me to cook?" she repeated.

"You want me to teach you to cook?"

"That's what I said, isn't it?" she snapped. She scooted herself up, removing her head from it's spot on his stomach and bringing her knees to her chest. Jess immediately felt the absence around him; it was like he was missing his arm or a leg. The warmth that had filled his lungs was gone, the scent that had filled his nostrils was gone, the tingling feeling in his head was gone. He moved towards her, wrapping his arms around the little ball she had made herself into.

"I'll teach you," he said. "I just didn't think you'd ever wanna cook."

"Why not?" she mumbled. "I'm always hungry, and I'm just as capable as you are. Why can't I be just as good a chef as you?"

Jess smirked. "I'm not saying you'll be a bad chef. I just never thought it interested you." 

"Well, it does."

"So I see."

They were quiet for a minute until Jess broke the silence with a soft voice.

"Tell you what," he said. "Tomorrow's Saturday. I'll go out to the market and get a whole bunch of food and then we'll go to the bookstore for a little while, and when we come back I'll give you your first cooking lesson. That sound good?"

Rory grumbled a little. "I guess."

"Come 'ere," Jess growled, pulling her into his embrace. Rory obliged, slowly unfurling from her knot. "Have I told you that I loved you lately?" he asked.

"No," she said. "But that's alright. I know anyway."

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The next morning, Jess woke up with a start. Looking at the clock he saw that it was five thirty in the morning. He groaned rolling over onto his side. He stayed there, eyes shut, willing himself back to sleep for about ten minutes before deciding that there was no way he was getting anywhere. Carefully, he slide away from Rory and placed a light kiss on her neck, taking care not to wake her up as he tip-toed to the closet. He changed his shirt and put on jeans, then went into the bathroom and washed his face. He grimaced at the dark circles under his eyes and ran a hand through his hair, attempting to smooth down the mess. After brushing his teeth, he put on his jacket and headed outside, deciding that he might as well make use of the few extra hours he had.

"Cam, my man!" he yelled, walking into the office. "'Sup?"

"Someone's happy," Cam said, staring incredulously at the grin on Jess's face. "Especially for six in the morning. What's happened to you, early bird?"

"Nothing," Jess said. "Just in a good mood."

"Yeah, okay. By the way, there's nothing really to be done here; it's been pretty slow, so you can leave."

Jess's smile grew and he clapped Cam on the shoulder. "Thanks, man. See ya Monday!"

"Yeah, see ya," Cam replied, his face confused.

Jess walked out with an extra skip in his step. He wasn't sure why he was so happy, but he had this weird feeling that today was going to be a really good day.

He passed a coffee shop and got two cappuccinos, then went to the grocery store and picked up the items for dinner that night. He was getting ready to go home, then stopped in front of a window display. His eyes traveled upward and stuck, and suddenly a tremendous…_something_ swept down into his stomach and through his legs and toes, leaving him feeling light and alive.

In the window was a perfect diamond ring, princess cut with one diamond in the middle and two on the sides, framed with two tiny sapphires that glinted in the sun.

And then he knew why he felt so happy.


	17. author's note please please read!

**A/N:** Okay, so I know lately my updating has been sparse, at best. But I've been trying my hardest to put all of my ideas on paper.

On that note, usually I have trouble coming up with original ideas for stories. That's probably why I write Fanfiction; because (and I'm not saying it's not real writing, because I have read from some of the most talented writers on this very website) it's easier to work from the ideas already in TV shows and movies.

However, I put my figurative pen-to-paper (meaning hand to keyboard) and a whoooolllllle bunch of stuff came out. I started writing what seems like a script...maybe for a movie; I'm not sure. I've been spending so much time writing, but still I can't quite keep the ideas coming long enough.

Anyway, the whole point of this interruption is that I probably will not be adding new chapters to any of my stories for at least a couple months. I will return, but it'll be away. Please, please, PLEASE continue to read and review my stories, because your advice and support really means the world to me.

Also, as of yet, I haven't told anyone, not even my family and friends, about my new piece. But in some ways it's a lot easier to hear the opinions of strangers than friends. So if you have any comments or questions to ask, please feel free.

All my hopes,

caffeineaddict13


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